I'm Sorry Brother
by xXAngel ShadowXx
Summary: Full Description inside. Based on what occured in episode 24 of the first FMA anime, "Bonding Memories". Al is still guilty about what he accused Edward of concerning the fabrication of his memories, and wonders if Edward resents him for it. plz R&R.


**Author's Note: This fic is gonna be a little different from my usual fare. (Not a romance OR shonen ai. Wow.) This is an FMA story thar centers around Al's guilt about what he'd accused his brother of in chapter 15: FullMetal Heart. Although, I decided to take off from the version of this scenario from the first anime, just because for some reason, I liked it slightly more than the one in Brotherhood/manga. (Please don't hate me for that...) It just touched me a little more to see Ed that vulnerable, and to come to his brother's rescue in the midst of battle. Anyway, I only intend this as an in-between story in either case, not as a continuation of the story in any way. **

**Please enjoy.**

**...**

As Ed, Al, and Winry walked back to Central after saying their good-byes, everything appeared to be okay between the Elric brothers again. Winry watched them as they reminisced about their childhoods, and all the memories they shared, and she'd smiled to herself, watching her two life-long friends as they walked back together.

"It looks like everything is all right between them now." Winry thought with relief. "I'm glad. Those two need each other."

From an outside perspective, that's how it appeared anyway, but deep down, Al was being torn apart by his guilt. As he and Ed returned to Headquarters, he couldn't help but wonder what Ed was thinking about what he had said on the battlefield, or whether he had truly been forgiven for such harsh accusations about what his brother had done. How could he have thought such things? What had he been thinking?

When they'd finally gotten back, it was close to sunset. Al wasn't feeling much in the mood to watch everyone eat dinner, so he walked along by himself for awhile, still close to the seaside where he had watched the Ishballan refuges as they had set out in their little canoe to meet up with their people. One of those Ishballan's had been Scar, and Al still remembered the sincerity in his voice when he had told Al how he'd sensed humanity in him.

Al had thanked him for that, for he truly was grateful. But now, a great weight was left on his conscience as he wondered what Edward thought of him now. Maybe he was still upset, or angry, and he was just concealing those emotions so as not to make Al worry.

_That's just what he would do too. _Al thought to himself. _He's been doing it for all this time..._

Al reached the boardwalk and sat down on the edge, but not too close that he risked falling into the churning foam and washing off his blood seal. He felt himself relax a little as the sounds of the ocean and the scattered cries of the gulls washed over him as he looked out at the water. The sky was painted in beautiful smears of crimson and gold, as the sun slowly descended towards the horizon line. Al sighed, recalling his brother's exact words.

_It's my fault you don't have a real body anymore. Do you hate me?_

"Ed...I can't believe all this time, that's what worried you so, and then I said all those hurtful things and fled from you." He peered down at his large, gauntlet hands, and a sudden shudder ran through his cold, steel frame. "I even hit you, and you were injured.

"I hope your wounds heal soon, and I hope you don't have to suffer more because of me..."

"Ed..." He whispered. "I'm so sorry..."

_I wouldn't blame you if you did Al but I gotta know; do you hate me for all that's happened?_

Al let the sounds of the water drown out Ed's voice, as he tried desperately to focus on something other than his guilt.

That's when a sudden, familiar voice called out to him.

"Hey Al! What are you doing out here all alone?"

Al spun around. "Winry!" He cried, having not expected her to come out this far. "What are you doing here?"

"Isn't that what I just asked you silly?" Winry said, smiling down at him. Al cringed inside as he saw that sweet smile and remembered that he had accused Winry and Pinako of being in on the whole thing. _How could she have forgotten that so easily?_ He wondered.

"Well, I...I just wanted some time to myself. And it's not like I can eat anyway so..."

Winry sat down beside him on the dock, resting a hand on his large metal shoulder. Al of course, couldn't feel it, but in a small way, it was nice all the same.

"Al, tell me, is something bothering you? Is that why you came here?"

Al flinched. Of course. Winry knew as well as Ed did that the sound of flowing bodies of water made Al feel better when he was upset about something. Whenever he and Ed got into a fight, the river side was always where Ed was find him. The closest thing to that river now was the sea side. Winry knew him too well.

Al nodded. "Yeah..." He murmured, although he was reluctant to admit just what was bothering him.

"C'mon Al. It's allright. You can tell me." Winry assured him. Al turned towards her, glancing into her bright, eager eyes, and knew he had to say it.

"It's about what I said to Edward. And to you too Winry."

"O-Oh. I see..." Winry replied. She followed Al's gaze out to the sparkling surface of the water, as the last of the sun's rays were dancing across it. "You still feel bad about it huh? It's okay, I'm not upset with you. And listen Al, I think Edward's already let it go. Don't let it bother you anymore. He knows you're sorry."

But Al knew better than that. And he suspected Winry did too, somewhere deep inside.

"Winry. It isn't that simple. I hurt him. I know I did. He's just hiding it again. Trying to keep it all within himself so I don't worry. But I do worry. I-"

Winry stopped him then. "I'm sure Ed is just glad that _you've_ forgiven him. Al, you have no idea how hard he searched for you, and how relieved he was when he finally got a lead on your wherabouts. Al..."

"You two still lovebirds still out here? Don't you know the sun's already gone down?"

The two friends jumped, spinning around to see that Edward was standing behind them, with his usual cocky grin plastered on his face.

"Edward!" Al cried. "How did you know where we'd gone?"

"Asked around. I mean, c'mon Al. A huge suit of metal walking around is bound to catch people's attention." He glanced at Winry and took her aside for a few moments, speaking in low tones. Al managed to catch her nod at something before Ed walked backed to Al's side.

"Al, I think we should head back now." He told him. "It's getting late."

Al glanced over at Winry, who was looking at the two brothers from a distance, her eyes filled with concern.

"Okay." Al agreed. He half-expected Winry to walk back with them, but for one reason or another, she lingered behind, staring out at the water.

Al couldn't help but wonder what Ed might have said to her.

"Um, Ed, isn't Winry coming with us?" He asked his brother tentatively.

"She told me she's heading to Hughes's for the night. That's in the opposite direction." Ed replied simply.

"Oh, okay." Al replied. But the wistful, worried look in Winry's eyes told him otherwise.

...

Although most of Ed's wounds had healed enough for him to take the bandages off, the nurses had insisted that he stay admitted at the Infirmary for one more night. Ed complied, but under the condition that Al once be allowed to stay in his room. The nurses agreed, if not slightly annoyed about it, and shut the lights off.

Al half-expected him to say something to him then, but the only thing he'd said as he settled into bed was "Night Al." Then he'd closed his eyes.

Al had been so certain that Ed was finally asleep as he'd found himself inching closer, ever so slowly, to his bedside, and looking down at his brother's face. He looked so calm, so at peace...it pained Al that Ed only really appeared so when he was asleep. The rest of the time he was either on the wild-goose chase of a century or dodging enemy strikes, like just a few hours earlier. It seemed their lives were anything but peaceful now.

_And it's because of me...I'm the reason why. I'm the reason why brother suffers so much..._

_It's all my fault..._

Al felt his voice catch again. If he'd still had his throat, a giant lump would have probably been present, choking those final words so they barely escaped his lips.

The only light in the room came from a few stray moonbeams that filter through the blinds, illuminating his brother's still form, and his own steel one. Al sighed. Nights were always so hard for Al. They were so lonely and seemingly never-ending for him. Some might consider it an advantage to never fatigue, or require sleep, but Al wouldn't wish this on anyone, for he alone knew how terrifying that kind of solace could be, to never be able to sleep alongside the ones you cared about, or feel the warmth of their hands, or comfort them when they cried...

Al remembered a time, long ago, when he was very young, and still in his body. Whenever he'd had a nightmare, Ed, without any protest whatsoever, would allow Al to snuggle into bed beside him. Ed would sometimes even hold Al against him, and let him cry, without complaint. Even when he was a young child, Ed had always been mature, and caring, especially of Al. Always for Al...

_And I said to his face that that was all a lie. That he had made up those memories..._

_How could I say such things? How could I think such memories never happened?_

Al repeated these thoughts inside his mind, struggling to remain calm and not shudder with invisible sobs that might wake up Ed. He didn't want to wake him, on top of all the other things he'd done...

"Brother..."He whispered softly to no one. He watched as a few stray strands of golden hair fell in front of his brother's eyes. At that moment, he almost wished he had his normal hands back just so he could brush those strands away from Ed's face without waking him, silly as that may have sounded to anyone else besides Al.

"Brother, I know you can't hear me, but I...I'm so sorry I said all those things to you. I didn't mean a word of it...and, even though I've said it before...

"I'll say it once again. I could never hate you brother...ever..."

Al felt his voice catch again. If he'd still had his throat, a giant lump would have probably been present, choking those final words so they barely escaped his lips.

Then, Al heard a light _tap_ and looked down to see a sight that made him gasp softly.

One of Ed's hands were now resting on top of Al's large gauntlet one, which he'd had resting on the sheets.

"B-Brother?" Al said, his voice weak and fragile. "Did I wake you?"

Then Edward looked up at Al with eyes that almost broke his heart. They were wide, glossy, and made him appear as though he were close to tears. He'd managed his usual easy smile, but only by a hair's breath, Al could tell. And even in the darkness he was able to see that lower lip trembling.

"Brother?" He asked again, knowing full well if he still had his eyes, he would be bawling right now.

"Alphonse...you never had to be sorry. For anything." He started, keeping his voice steady at first. "I fully deserved any doubts that you had, for putting you in that armor..." His voice began to quaver then, which made Al start. _He...couldn't possibly be still thinking that way? Could he?_

_No._

"That's enough Brother." Al retorted firmly, his hand clenching beneath Edward's. He had to make his brother abandon those awful thoughts, that he would ever blame him for what had happened to both of them. "I...I never had right to doubt you, after the sacrifice I knew in my heart you had made for me. Giving up your right arm just to bring me back from the Gate..." Recalling those details made Al cringe. He couldn't even imagine how painful that could have been for Edward.

And all because of him.

It was then that Al began to tremble as he spoke, "I was a fool brother, for all those things I said to you. For hurting you, and never even telling you how sorry I was-" That was his breaking point, Al began to tremble uncontrollably. "Brother, what did you say to Winry before? Really?"

This had been bothering Al since they had returned. That strange, almost lost look in Winry's eyes had haunted him as he'd walked alongside Ed. Ed sighed softly, and then looked up at Al, tightening his grip on his hand.

"I had asked her why she thought you had left me without telling me first...and that I was afraid something might have happened to you..."

Al felt a sharp stab of guilt jab into him. So that's what Ed had been saying to her...

_Ed..._

"Brother, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I should've known better. It's just..." He paused briefly before he looked up into his brother's large, golden eyes, filled close to the brim with unshed tears. "I was afraid too. We...we never really got a chance to talk about what I'd said to you, and I thought you might have just been pretending to have forgiven me...and..." He was cut of right there, as suddenly Ed let go of his hand.

"Brother?" Al said weakly, fearing the worst then.

That was the moment when Ed leaned forward and rested his forehead on the cold metal chestplate of his brother's body.

"I had that coming Al. Don't you understand that? After all I've put you through, after all the times you've almost died because of me...I deserved it. I still do."

Then he said something that almost shattered Al's soul.

"Mom would have been ashamed of me."

The fragility of his brother's voice when he uttered those words almost tore him apart.

"Don't say that!" Al cried, trembling even harder now. "Mom loved you! She could never be ashamed of you. You kept me here, and you never let anything keep us apart. You gave up things too brother! Don't you know that? Don't you realize that if it weren't for me, you would still have your arm and leg-"

"That's NOTHING compared to what I stole from you Al, and you know it!" Ed retorted, his voice quivering with pain and misery. He looked up at Al, his eyes now bright with tears, streaming down his cheeks like rivers. This caused Al to gasp softly. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen his brother cry...

"Brother...please...please don't cry..." Al begged, longing for nothing more than the ability to reach out and wipe away his brother's tears without hurting him accidentally. "None of this was your fault. It was mine, and we're going to fix it. Together." Al somehow managed to keep his voice level, but saying that only made Ed heave with more strangled sobs. He couldn't remember the last time Ed had broken down like this. He'd been strong even when their mother had died, always a beacon of strength for Al to look up to and admire. But now, all his defenses were down, and for once, he'd allowed himself to be completely vulnerable in front of his brother.

Al only wished he could have comforted him, wrapped his arms around his brother and let him sob until he was completely emptied of those bitter tears. He knew that's what Ed needed right now. He knew that it was the one thing Ed needed that he just wasn't capable of giving in his current form.

However, for all it was worth, he knew there was one thing he could do.

He only hoped it would be enough.

"Brother, I was a fool for ever doubting you. And listen, it dosen't matter to me what happens. As long as I'm with you...because you're my big brother, and I love you. And _nothing_ is ever going to change that."

Al's words were absolute. Finite. Strong. He had no doubts in his heart that was the truth. He only hoped Ed would believe him.

His brother moved slowly, tilting his head upwards to gaze into the red-white orbs of Al's eyes.

"A...Al..." He whispered.

Al knew that look. It was the same look in his eyes that he'd had on the day of his mother's funeral, but that he'd been trying so desperately to conceal from his brother. He needed to be held. Badly. Al was on the borderline of breaking down and turned away before he lost control of himself when suddenly a dull **CLANG** rang out and Al realized that Ed now was leaning his whole body against him, his arms awkwardly wrapped around his brother's large gauntlet body, his body heaving and trembling. Al was dumbfounded, having no idea what to do. He never could have expected this. Not from Ed. Up until now, it was always him who had cried...

Al cautiously placed his arms around Ed's body, holding him against his armored shell. He truly wished at that moment he could feel the warmth of his brother's body, and offer his own warmth back, but at that point in time, it seemed Ed really didn't care.

"Brother?" Al whispered. He then heard Ed's metal hand clench, the fingers scraping dully against his body.

"No matter what happens Al..." Ed choked out in a strained voice. "I _will _get your body back. I don't care what I have to give up. What I have to do...if it's the last thing I ever do, I _will _find that stone..."

"I know you will brother." Al reassured him, carefully resting his forehead on Ed's shoulder. "We both will. Together."

Al knew that in his heart. His soul. No matter what happened after that night, they would find a way to pick up the broken pieces of their lives and restore themselves. Whatever hardships they had lying before them, whatever dangers they would have to face. Al knew that none of it mattered.

His brother never broke his promises.

Al shifted slightly, and was startled when Ed didn't respond. It was at that moment he realized that Ed had appeared to have fallen asleep in his arms, snoring softly and contentedly.

Even though he couldn't physically smile, Al could feel the smile within his soul, growing wider and wider, until he felt fit to burst.

He was happy. He felt so happy to be with his brother and by his side. Every single day. Even inside the armor, somehow, it was always bearable, because he had his big brother beside him.

How could he ever believe such emotions were a contrivance?

Foolishness. Utter foolishness.

But never again would he make that mistake.

Al slowly bent down close to his brother's ear, his steel-plated chin gently touching his brother's cheek.

"Night Ed. I love you."

And even though Al couldn't feel it, he heard the sound clearly; an automailed hand reaching out and clutching his own tightly, squeezing so hard he could hear the metal creak.

"I love you too Alphonse." Ed whispered back softly. "Please don't ever forget that."

Al nodded, though he wasn't sure Ed saw it, as he had drifted back into a comfortable slumber, but in his mind, his response was bold, definite, with not a trace of doubt.

_I won't brother. Not ever again._

_Ever._

...

**AN: Well, that was my first shot at an FMA fanfic. Hope you all liked it. As always, reviews are appreciated.**


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